Revised Introduction

Revised Introduction

In this blog post, I will completely rewrite a new introduction. To do this, I will utilize the punctuation reading and the comments that people left on my Google Doc.

On my draft, think people were a little harsh. I would say that I prefer previous people's comments because they were more helpful and less criticizing. The way some were written almost make me want to give up because I was already unsure about how to write and I had mentioned in my post for my draft. However, people overlooked that and decided to be very straightforward about my errors.

According to other people, they thought that my writing was strictly biased and therefore, there was no point to even continue. I think that I mentioned too much about how the author was more lenient to one side than the other. Even though I thought that I had added enough about the controversy on both sides, people disagreed. Also, I tended to discuss all three aspects of rhetoric, which my paper only focused on two of the three. I think that I could possibly rephrase my introduction in that sense because a lot of people were mislead by the way I wrote about the rhetorical situations. However, I would have to disagree with my bias because I mentioned sugar in general being high in consumption not artificial sugar. And even if I did say artificial sugar, that is a fact. I never said that was good or bad. People manipulated it on their own.

 Unknown. "Intro." 3/31/08 via Wikimedia Commons. Public Domain License.

New/Revised Introduction:

The consumption of sugar in America has skyrocketed. Not only do Americans consume sugar in sugary foods, but companies hide sugars in foods that people are unaware about. The rate of obesity and chronic diseases that are linked to sugar have increased, and many people have made the switch to zero-calorie, artificial sweeteners. They can be found in everyday foods, snacks, drinks, and fast-food chains. Nowadays, many people are making the switch to artificial sweeteners because they perceive only the few benefits. However, there are also many negative effects of artificial sweeteners as well. By deconstructing Sugar substitutes: Health controversy over perceived benefits, the author utilizes his educational background for credibility and facts to inform his audience about both viewpoints in the controversy of artificial sugars. However, like other writers in the nutrition field, he never directly states his argument.

Original Introduction:

Americans consume copious amounts of sugars. The rate of obesity and chronic diseases that are linked to sugar have increased, and many people have made the switch to zero-calorie, artificial sweeteners. They can be found in everyday foods, snacks, drinks, and fast-food chains. Nowadays, many people are making the switch to artificial sweeteners because they perceive only the few benefits. However, there are many more negatives. Sugar substitutes: Health controversy over perceived benefits's author utilizes his educational background for credibility and facts to inform his audience about both viewpoints in the controversy of artificial sugars. However, he wants the audience to realize that the harms of artificial sweeteners are more severe and should be more emphasized than their perceived benefits.

Reflection on Project 2 Draft

Reflection on Project 2 Draft

In the post below I will be reflecting on my draft as well as planning what I think I will need to specifically revise. To do this I will answer various questions from A Student's Guide to Writing.

When I peer reviewed, I looked at Olivia Wann's and Joy Kosik's drafts.

Thesis

My thesis mostly focused on introducing the topic based on the rhetorical situations. Even though I did not directly mention them. I think I need to go back and fix this because other people were more rhetorically specific. Also, others appeared to address their audience more directly than I did. However, I thought that I was still able to direct it to them.

Organization

I think I could possible separate my paragraphs more. My first body paragraph is really long, but it discusses the same rhetorical strategy. I think I can separate the paragraphs where I start another example because it appears to be very long compared to the other ones that I read. I think that this will provide better organization and an easier read for my readers.

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CC0 Public Domain License.

Rhetorical Situations

I think that by only focusing on two rhetorical situations, I did a better job at explaining both of them. One, I emphasized more in order to show the greater importance of it. This made my paper unique compared to the others because the others that I read appear to be more consistent in their paragraph lengths

Evidence

I feel like other people provided about the same or a little more evidence than I did. However, my explanations seem longer. I realized that others had more concise explanations, which I am going to focus on doing.

Conclusion

I think people were unsure how to end their analyses just like I was. I was unsure how to go about this because I wasn't sure whether I needed to focus more on my rhetorical situations or more on my audience. I need to refer back to the comments that people left for me in order to add more detail.

Reflection

I read Olivia Wann's blog post, I realized that her and I face similar issues. I think that our topics of nutrition tend to be very new to our audience, but we assume they know more than they know. I also think that for adding quotations, I wanted to add more as well. However, I think I did a good job of this in the first body paragraph, but I need to work on it for the second. I also think that adding information from other articles might benefit my topic.

I read Joy Kosik's blog post. Her and I both had issues with the thesis and conclusion. We both felt like our theses didn't cover the full essay. We felt as if the paper had extraneous content that the thesis did not include. Also, we both faced an issue about our conclusions in that they did not seem to fully conclude our essays properly. Both of us need to definitely work on this by looking through the rubric.

Punctuation, Part 1

Punctuation, Part 1

In this blog post, I am going read about punctuation in Rules for Writers to discuss what I learned about punctuation while focusing on what was new or surprising.

Unnecessary Commas

I learned to not use a comma between compound elements that are not independent clauses. I've noticed that I tend to this at times because a lot of writers do this. I am unsure if they intentionally do this or not, but I have seen commas used in this way. From now on, I know that I will not do this because now I know that this is wrong. Furthermore, I do not use commas to set off a concluding adverb clause that is essential to the meaning of the sentence. I always knew not to this because our teachers emphasized it. However, sometimes this would confuse me, and I would have the think about it in order to apply this. From now on, I am going to not do this more often because now I know that it is totally incorrect.

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CC0 Public Domain License.

The Colon

When using a colon after an independent clause to direct attention to a list, an appositive, a quotation, or a summary or an explanation, I had always felt uncomfortable. I rarely do this because I was never positive that this was correct. However, after reading the section on this, it surprised me that it could be used in these situations. In high school, a lot of teachers steared us clear of using colons because a lot of people would use them in order to describe the text less. Now, I know that I can use colons, but I will definitely use them more often. Also, to avoid common misuses of the colon, I will follow the methods that it can be used in above. If I ever doubt the correct usage, I will refer back to the text to make sure.

Other punctuation marks: the dash, parentheses, brackets, the ellipsis mark, the slash

I knew how to use the dash in the same way that parentheses could be used. However, I rarely used this method because I never felt like it was appropriate to my text. In the same way that colons can be used, the dash can be used the set off appositives that contain commas and to introduce a list. I am still confused on how to do this because it is very similar to the colon or commas. I think that this method, however, is used to emphasize theses elements of the text greater than if a colon was used.
Likewise, paraentheses are also used when setting something off as a side not. However, I feel like this is more informal. The Slash seems to be more for separation of verses of poetry. I've noticed it used a lot in Shakespeare's writing. Therefore, I will not need to use this much.

Reflection

In Olivia Wann's draft's first paragraph toward the end, she said, "There is really no excuse for this, because you can find studies proving and disproving the safety of eating just about any food- except for things that the general public knows to be harmful (like eating swimming pool chlorine tablets). " This sentence misuses a comma because she uses the words because. It is unnecessary to put a comma before above because it connects the two independent clauses. She also attempts to use a dash here, which I think she did use correctly. I think it is important that I read up on dashes because I had always been in doubt when and where to use them, but now I think I can better recognize it. I learned that the dash is more common than I expected.

In the last sentence of Joy Kosik's draft's first paragraph, she said, "By using dramatic word choice and tone, and by providing concise details about the issue, Kessler has created an effective argument in that it makes the reader want to agree with the existence of the problem Kessler presented." I think she misused a comma here because she did not use it to separate independent clauses or for a list. From what I learned, I think she could have reworded her sentence so that she didn't need to use a comma here at all. I learned that many people are unaware and do misuse the comma.

Draft of Rhetorical Analysis

Draft of Rhetorical Analysis

In this blog post, I am going to provide a link to my Draft of Project #2. In this rhetorical analysis, I am going to explain to my audience the appeals the author uses. He appeals to his audience through ethos and logos. Ethos is used because he is a doctor and a medical professor. Logos is used because he states many facts which takes up majority of his paper. In order to do this, I have to vividly describe ethos and logos, how it was used, and give a great amount of support. I think that I did this. However, I will also ask my fellow peers questions about my writing to make sure that I am doing it correctly. I am unsure if I wrote this properly. I think I was able to address the audience that my author was trying to address, but I am unsure if I explained this properly to the audience I am addressing.

The link can be accessed here.

Project 2 Outline

Project 2 Outline

In this blog post, I am going to approach my Project two outline, but writing a paragraph about how I used the text provided to better analyze my text. Also, I will mention the rhetorical situations and strategies used. Lastly, I will plan my outline. The picture I chose to represent my outline is an outline of a tree. A tree is a symbol of life and the coming together of nature. I chose this outline of a tree because it is literally an outline, and it is a piece of our ecosystem that involves many parts. Just like my outline, the tree consists many parts and is the center of all beginning (a.k.a outline is the beginning of my essay).

"Sections of the Paper" allowed me to better understand the parts of my analytical papers. For the Introduction, it asked "Do you begin with a general idea, a history, or do you dive right into your analysis?" (122). I thought that this was helpful because I asked myself while creating my introduction these questions. I ended up going with a general idea. More specifically, it was an idea of the typical shopper purchasing foods at a grocery store, and unknowingly, they are selecting items that contain artificial sugars. Next, it said "Focus the bulk of your writing on text itself rather than on general ideas about the issue that it addresses" (122). This was helpful to me because I understand now that I need a lot of examples. I could use them even in my introduction. Next, a thesis was hard for me to create at first. However, after reading this quote, I felt like I had a better grasp on it. It read,  "What do we observe or understand about the ways it tries to persuade its audience?" (122). I needed to think about how it's persuading the audience it was directed to, but then I need to consider the audience that I am writing to. In other words, the thesis that I had created (#2) was the most accurate to this. Next, body paragraphs seemed intimidating to me because I was unsure how many I should do. The text clarified saying,"Focus on analyzing one or two of the strategies that you feel are most essential to the persusiveness of the text" (124). Instead of writing about ethos, pathos, and logos, I need to write about only two. This was hard for me to do because I think ethos is hard to write about in a detailed manner, but I thought that this source lacked pathos. Therefore, I wrote my body paragraphs about logos and pathos. As for the conclusion, I normally do well in this part. However, the book said, "Think about the implications of your analysis, or why you feel these strategies make the text persuasive or not" (125). I think this falls under the category of me saying "So what?". For every conclusion that I do, I try to incorperate this. I think I can add more about how his strategies convey the message more than I would have prior to reading this.

The text's rhetorical situation might include:

The identity of its author/speaker

Dr. Kirtida R. Tandel, Department of Pharmacology, Government Medical College, Surat, Gujarat, India.

The primary audience it is clearly intended for (if that's clear) and/or other, secondary audiences who would likely be reached or affected by the text

Anyone who is interested in nutrition, general public. However, my audience is incoming students of my field who want to learn how to write an argumentative paper for my field.

The context surrounding the creation of the text (when it was made public, the medium or genre it occupies, contemporary events that may have shaped author or audience's attitudes or opinions, social or historical movements related to the text and its topic, the cultural and linguistic backgrounds of author and audiences, the physical surroundings of the event or text, and/or other texts that might relate to yours - this summary of options was cribbed from Student's Guide page 180)

ClkerFreeVectorImages. "Oak Tree Outline Nature Silhouette Ecology." 10/07/14 via pixabay. CC0 Public Domain License.

The ideology or cultural values present in the text and its relationship to author and/or audience or both.

Foods all around us contain artificial sugars

Your text's unique and specific cultural setting

It is a current issue because many foods that are marketed to the general public contain artificial sugars.

Your own assumptions and/or bias as the one performing analysis on the text (NOTE: If you mention this in your analysis, it should be a supporting or secondary concern that should not get in the way of the main purpose of Project 2).

Artificial sweeteners are detrimental to our health. We consume them unknowingly, but they can cause harm to us. It is important to be aware of these harms and to avoid these fake sugars.

The message and purpose of the text

Inform the audience that artificial sugars are more harmful than beneficial.

The text's rhetorical strategies might include:

• How the text uses appeals to credibility or character
• The way the text uses appeals to emotion
• The way the text uses appeals to logic or rational decision making

_____________________________________________________________________

OUTLINE

Introduction

I am going to create a hook to draw my reader in. I think an example like shopping and buying foods that contain artificial sweeteners will be the most effective. Then, I am going to introduce the author and give a mini background on artificial sweeteners.

Thesis (adapted or revised from one of your draft theses)

I am going to use my second thesis that I created.

Body Paragraphs

I know my author mentioned a lot about logos because he used a lot of information, statistics and facts. He used a lot of ethos, but I think pathos would be the most effective in explaining this to my audience

Analytical Claims

Tandel appeals to logic through utilizing facts to inform the reader of the harms of artificial sweeteners.

Tandel appeals to ethos through his knowledge of the topic, which highlight his ability to persuade the audience to believe that artificial sweeteners are harmful.

The support you plan to offer up for each claim

I plan to give many examples from his article. For example, I will specifically refer back to the specific harms that the artificial sugars impose on us and how he uses these to appeal to the logic in order to persuade the audience to believe that artificial sugars are harmful.

I plan to give examples of how he states many things that most people without research would not know. For example, he mentions every chemical, he mentions the benefits as well. Since he is educated, he is using this to his benefit in this article because he never states his argument. He provides a lot of information without saying what side he's on. This uses his ethos because by merely giving more information for against artificial sweeteners, he is able to persuade the reader to believe that there are more harms.

Your essay's conclusion

I will reinstate the thesis and provide a connection to the original general idea of shopping that I had created. Next, I will reflect back on the claims that I made about his work. Then, I will proceed to explain how he used these claims to further his argument

Reflection

I read Grace Elizabeth Mahan's blog post. I think she did a good job addressing every aspect of the outline. I think she lacked detail. For example, she would say "his point of view" or "support". I wanted to know more about the point-of-view and support. After reading her post, I learned that I did an adequate job describing more in depth about the direction of my draft because hers was very simple. I think the way I did it allows me to write more easily for my draft because a lot will already written down.

I read Joki Potkonjak's blog post. I think she doubted her abilities too much. She has everything that she needs in her draft. However, she thinks that I have more of my paper put together. I think I spent a lot of time on my outline because I was confused about the assignment. I wanted to make sure that I did it properly and had enough information to do it right. I think if Joki spent some extra time on the outline or while writing the draft, she will feel like she understands it more. For instance, I wrote specific examples because I wanted to better understand the topic. Joki did not do this. Maybe if she did, she would feel more confident. I learned that spending a lot of time on drafting shows because I was confused, too. However, I got a lot of positive feedback.

Practicing Summary & Paraphrase

Practicing Summary & Paraphrase

In this blog post, I will provide a quote from the original source that illustrates the author's perspective and message for his work. Then, I will paraphrase it in my own words. Lastly, I will summarize it in one sentence. This activity will be beneficial while writing my draft because paraphrasing and summarizing are important in essays in order to give variety in the way the context is provided to the audience.

Original Source

"Scientists are divided in their views on the issue of artificial sweetener safety. In scientific as well as in lay publications, supporting studies are often widely referenced while the opposing results are de-emphasized or dismissed. So this review aims to explore the health controversy over perceived benefits of sugar substitutes."

My Paraphrase of Original Source

Scientists have split viewpoints on the controversy on the safety of artificial sweeteners. In publication, research that supports artificial sweeteners are more largely emphasized than the opposing results.

My Summary of the Original Source

Many scientists have opposing viewpoints on the safety of artificial sweeteners; however, their research mainly focuses on the benefits of artificial sweeteners and does not highlight the harms of artificial sweeteners.

Draft Thesis Statements

Draft Thesis Statements

In this blog post, I will share the 2 working theses that I have created. I will tell my reader what I think about my working thesis statement(s) and explain what I think might be difficult or what might be easy about developing my project from this point forward. 

Anderson, Paul. "Funny Pictures - Thesis still not done, huh?" 4/11/11 via flickr.
Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License.

Thesis 1

Arguments in Nutrition are often fueled on one's perception of facts and evidence. After reading Sugar substitutes: Health controversy over perceived benefits, I realized that the author wrote about both sides of his argument, but focused more toward his views against artificial sweeteners.

Thesis 2

Sugar substitutes: Health controversy over perceived benefits's author utlizes facts and evidence to inform his audience about both viewpoints in the controversy of artificial sugars. However, he wants the audience to realize that the harms of artificial sweeteners are more severe and should be more emphasized than their perceived benefits.

Explanation

I think both my theses explains how the author is attempting to achieve a specific purpose. I mentioned in both of them that his purpose is to present information, facts, and evidence that proves that artificial sweeteners have some benefits, but they have more harms that are often overlooked. Many people are unaware about the harms of artificial sugars. Therefore, the author wants to inform the people about this.

While I am writing to my audience, I will try to address the author and his purpose. I need to convey and explain the way he tried to address his audience in order to teach my audience how to construct their argument using this source as the example. Therefore, I need to show my audience how his choice in explaining one side more than the other is the method is uses to express his side of the argument without actually directly rejecting the perceived benefits. I think my best thesis was the second one because of my words choice, and my better explanation of how the author addresses his argument.

Reflection

I read Olivia Wann's blog post because I know that she is writing about a nutrition argument as well. I think she was able to develop her second thesis the best because she addresses how the author addresses the audience while addressing her own audience. I think this is important because we need to illustrate how authors in our field convey their message. After reading Olivia's, I feel slightly more confident because I was doubting that I was doing it right. I have never written a rhetorical analysis in this manner before, so I was unsure if I had approached it properly.

After reading Joki Potkonjak's blog post, I questioned the length of my own. Even though hers I felt were too lengthy, I wonder whether or not mine are too short. She fit a lot of information into her thesis, which I think was good because it set a specific tone for the paper. I think it is important to utilize both audiences in order to convey our message. I think after reading hers, I feel more confident. I still am questioning mine. However, I think that I somehow manage to make my theses not too long or too short.